So, This is the Hobbit--Er, Girl
by LOTR-POTC-SherlockLuvr
Summary: Megan's dream come true. She finds a strange portal into Middle-Earth, right smack in the middle of the Shire. She gets thrown into the Hobbit adventure, and has to deal with all kinds of individual problems besides the ones the entire company deals with. One of which include a reluctant but inevitable romance. Rated M (really MA) for frequent violence.
1. Chapter 1

**So This Is The Hobbit...Er, Girl : Chapter 1**

** So I'm kind of taking a break from Seas and going modern times with this fanfic! Well, sort of. The main character in here is me in real life, Megan, because I've always wanted to be thrown into The Hobbit adventure...so bad... :P. And also it's like super easy to keep your own personality when writing. ^-^ I hope you guys like it! OH by the way, I'm definitely NOT in college xDD. All recognizable Hobbit stuff is Tolkien and Peter Jackson. **

"Megan, get your butt over here and stop gawking at that weird store!" I heard Amanda call from the opposite side of the mall hallway. I reluctantly turned away from the Hot Topic store window, and the Attack on Titan teeshirt. I sighed, looking up to see Amanda at the entrance to Forever 21. She hopped up and down in her bright yellow flats. "Coming," I called back, walking over to her and adjusting my oversized sweatshirt. I loved my oversized sweatshirts, they always made me feel cozy. Amanda, on the other hand, always seemed to dress like she's going on a date. She was wearing skinny jeans, like me, but had on a black short-sleeved shirt with a large yellow flower pattern on it. They matched her shoes.

"Come on!" she squeaked, grabbing my hand and tugging me inside. We had the entire summer break, and yet she insisted on going to the mall just two days after we got out of classes. Best friends since 6th grade, I had become a shy, Internet loving, animal sciences student, and Amanda stayed her social butterfly, fashion forward self, studying the same major as me. Once inside the store, Amanda immediately, and excitedly, dove into the racks of clothing. I slowly followed her around, not in need of any new clothing. Though, this one blue dress had caught my eye. It was sleeveless with lace all over it, and the entire thing was navy blue except the thin brown belt that ran around the middle. I liked it. I grabbed one off the rack and looked up to see Amanda's blond head on the other side of the store.

"Look what I found," I said, walking up to her. She looked away from the skimpy half-top she had found. Another reason I didn't like Forever 21. Weird clothing. "Cute!" she said, then turned back to the shelf. I sighed and went to the dressing rooms. I was about to pull on the dress when my phone buzzed, and I sat down on the little bench, pulling it out of my jeans pocket. Gabe had texted me. _Is Amanda with you? She won't answer her phone _his text read. Of course he was looking for Amanda. I gave him my answer and put my phone away. Gabe and Amanda had secretly loved each other since 7th grade, yet they continued to constantly deny it. All of our friends teased the two about it.

The dress looked great, so I decided to get it. I was low on dresses anyway, being one that prefered jeans and a nice shirt for social events. I came out of the dressing room and almost ran into Amanda with her arms full of new clothes. I bet she would buy them all. "Hey Megan! You gonna get that dress?" she asked. I nodded, grinning. "You gonna get the whole store?" I responded sarcastically. "Oh, shut up!" she joked, opening a dressing room door with her foot. I went back out into the store. With nothing else to do, I sat on a seat near the entrance to the dressing rooms and pulled out my phone again. _Tumblr, awaaay! _I thought. I got lost in the world of memes, gifs, and hilarious posts for what seemed like only minutes, but was actually half an hour. I looked up when Amanda whacked a shopping bag at my face. "We can go now, nerd," she said.

"Crap. Give me a second to check out," I answered, rushing off towards the line. I quickly bought the blue dress and then left the store with Amanda almost skipping by my side. "Wait, before we go somewhere else, bathroom break," I said. Amanda groaned. "Fine, but hurry. You don't need to redo your entire face while you're in there," she said as I walked to the bathrooms, hitching my purse higher on my shoulder. "Pfft, that's why I'm going in," I said to myself.

Once inside, I dropped my purse on the counter, inspecting my makeup in the mirror. I never did anything special with eyeshadow or anything, but I was obsessed with the makeup I did have on being perfect. I pulled out my foundation, seeing that me rubbing my nose earlier had also rubbed off the makeup there. But as I was dabbing off the excess, my hand bumped the mirror. It happens all the time, but this time, something was wrong. The mirror felt like a liquid. That's right, like it was made of water or something. I nudged it again with the back of my hand and jumped when my hand dipped into it, but no coating of water or anything remained on my hand. I put my makeup bag away, then actually poked a finger at the mirror. It went all the way in, and I made my hand follow it. Thank god the bathroom was deserted.

This was like some sort of movie. What the heck? Was this like some portal or something? Perfect cliché movie setting. The mirror portal, haven't seen that before. I swung my purse over my shoulder and stuck my hand through it again, this time all the way up to my elbow. I felt my hand warming up, not like fire or a fever, but like sunshine. I decided to see if this actually was something or if I had just gone insane. I took a deep breath, holding it, closed my eyes, and leaned over the counter, shoving my face into the mirror. I partially opened one of my eyes after a few moments, then they both flew open, and I gasped. I was looking into the Shire. THE SHIRE. Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit Shire. My jaw dropped.

Was this a portal to New Zealand? No, that can't happen. Impossible. But the Shire was even less probable. I was about to bring my face back out of the mirror when I realized that the rest of my body had subconsiously come through the mirror, and I was standing in front of a tree. I turned around and put my hand up to the tree, expecting for it to just dip back in like it was supposed to, but it hit solid wood. I froze. Oh. Shoot. Was I stuck here? What about my shopping trip? Amanda? My friends? My PARENTS?! I had to get back somehow. This was very bad. I turned back around and almost passed out.

It was Gandalf. He was walking on a path that cut through the Hobbit holes and endless hills. Well, this is Hobbit Shire, not Lord of the Rings, at least. I must be crazy. This is physically impossible. But...maybe I should just enjoy it while it's here, even if this is a dream. My mind was racing, but I stopped it. Stop thinking about things, and just appreciate that I'm in my dream world. I took a deep breath as my heart started racing. Should I go up to Gandalf? I slapped myself. Of course I'm going up to freakin Gandalf. My legs moved before I told them to, and I went racing down the hill I was on and towards the path, and Gandalf.

He looked up as he heard my fast footsteps in the grass, and his eyebrows crumpled in confusion. I came to a stop, freaking out inside that I was standing in front of THE Gandalf. "Hello! I'm Megan!" I squeaked out. He looked down at me. He was TALL. Taller than the movies showed. "Good day. May I ask where you have come from, why you were running to me, and why you are wearing such strange clothing?" he queried. His voice was better than I expected. But how could I answer this? I came from another world entirely? Sure. "Um, well, it's a long story. And...probably very confusing. I come from another world, basically, which is set in times, like, waaaay in the future from now. I was running to you because I couldn't believe that you, Gandalf, are real and that you are standing in front of me. And...these are the type of clothes that everyone in my world wears," I said quickly, my mouth talking to fast in my excitement.

"Hmm. I would ask for a deeper explanation, but I have business to attend to," he said, then paused for a long and awkward moment, studying me carefully. "I have a strange feeling about you, but it is not bad. Would you like to accompany me?" he asked. I breathed out in wonder, then nodded spastically. This business could only be one thing, rather, Hobbit: Bilbo Baggins. And I was going to see him.

** This is so much fun writing! I hope you guys liked the first chapter! I could have made it longer but I didn't :P. Another chapter of this will hopefully come quickly, maybe later tonight. And another chapter of Seas... I dunno. Maybe tonight also ;). Please review with any ideas, or if you like it or not! Love you guys! **


	2. Chapter 2

**So, This is the Hobbit—Er, Girl: Chapter 2**

** Hey you crazy New Years party people you! I would have said happy new year in chapter one but eh, I didn't. I'll say it now though: Happy New Year! *confetti* I realized that I really like writing this story, and it's nice to write something funny for a change. DON'T THINK THAT MEANS I'M STOPPING SEAS. Cause I'm not. :) Just taking a little rest from it. Everything recognizable is Tolkien and Peter Jackson. I hope you all are liking this fic so far, and read on! Here's chapter 2! **

My heart felt like it was going to drill its way out of my chest as I closely followed Gandlalf down the paths of the Shire. My pulse sped probably for multiple reasons, one being the fact that I was in the freakin Shire, and another being that I was receiving many, many strange or disapproving looks from passing Hobbits. Most likely because of my clothing. Or my hair. Hobbits probably haven't seen a high ponytail before. But I did feel pretty happy for being a good two to three feet taller than their curly haired heads, which were adorable, if I may say. Actually, screw that, the entire Shire was adorable.

Then we came around a corner and BOOM. I looked up past multiple hobbit holes and little gardens, towards the top of a hill to see the green door that I love so much. "Oh my god, it's Bag End," I squealed, causing Gandalf to turn and give me a questioning look. "You seem to be familiar with it," he murmured. I nodded excitedly, about to tell him about the books and movies, but realized that that probably wouldn't be a good idea. It would most likely mess with his head. So I just left it with nodding and grinning as we made our way up the hill. I was practicaly skipping.

Skipping into Gandalf. I almost ran into him. He had randomly stopped and turned around to face me. "What's the hold up, Gandalf?" I asked, peering up at him after I had backed up a few steps. "I think it would be wise for you to stay hidden. The Hobbit I am seeing will be shaken as it is to have a wizard appearing to him," he suggested. What?! "Um, well. I kinda want to see Bilbo too. I'm a bit of a fan..," I responded. I really shouldn't have said that. Gandalf's eyes crumpled under the brim of his hat. "Hmm. I will only be a short while. I have the need to talk to you afterwards, though. Stay hidden, and I will find you when I am finished," he finalized, turning to continue walking up the path. I sighed.

_Great. What can I possibly do to pass the time? _I asked myself as I walked in the opposite direction. But I stopped. Gandalf said I only had to stay hidden; he never said I couldn't watch and hear their conversation. I grinned and turned back towards Bag End, running towards it. But I swerved and ran to the very top of the hill, onto the grassy roof of Bilbo's house. I paused before dropping onto my stomach, ignoring the fact that I'm probably getting increadibly dirty, and half-army crawled to the edge. I must have looked like some sort of spy. A really stupid spy.

I peeked over the edge of the roof and burst into a grin. "Do you wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good on this particular morning; or that it is a morning to be good on," Gandalf was saying, and I mouthed the words along with him. God, this was so much better than just watching the movies! Holy crap, what if I can prove this is real? I pulled out my phone and flipped it to camera, and took a sneaky picture of the interaction between the two. Too bad there wasn't any service out here. I took a couple more, catalouging the majority of they're conversation.

I looked up from my phone to see Bilbo sassing Gandalf. "We don't want any adventures here, thank you. Not today, not-. I suggest you try over the hill, or-or across the water. ..Good morning," he finished, stepping inside and hurriedly closing the door. I watched as Gandalf sighed and strolled up to the door, scratching the dwarvish rune into the paint. He then did the creepy looking through the window thing before moving out of Bilbo's line of sight. Gandalf looked directly up at me. His eyes holding a _get your butt down here_ look in them. I jumped up and went around to the opposite side of the hill to meet Gandalf a little ways down the path.

"I hope you're very satisfied with your foolishness, Lady Megan. He could have looked up an seen you at any moment," Gandalf scolded once I was next to him. We began walking down the path. "Well, he didn't, so we're fine," I retorted. Actually, I knew that Bilbo didn't look up at his roof in the movie, so unless I did something that made him turn around and look at me, he would never see me. I realized that we were now reaching the edge of Hobbiton. "Uh, Gandalf, where are we going?" I asked. "A ways west of the Shire. I have some people I want to see," he answered. He came to a stop at a small paddoc which housed a grey horse. "Come on. I'm afraid we'll have to share Opal for the time being," he said, mounting the horse.

He offered me his hand but I ignored it, hopping up onto the horse behind Gandalf. I had taken horseback riding lessons until I was a junior, where homework, marching band, and college planning had left me no time. But that was only a few years ago, and I hadn't lost it yet. The wizard nudged the horse quickly into a gallop, heading west, I assumed. I started to think of what was west of the Shire. Well, the ocean between Middle Earth and the Undying Lands...and then a lightbulb went off. I almost slapped myself. DUH! The Blue Mountains! All of the dwarves that left Erebor went there...which means that the Company would be coming back this way to reclaim it.

_Holy crap, I'm going to meet them early!_ I thought as Gandalf guided Opal over the western hills of the Shire. "So, uh, going to get the dwarves?" I asked over the sound of Opal's thundering hooves. Gandalf gave me a quick look over his shoulder. "Indeed. How do you know anything about dwarves? And that I was going to get them?" he questioned, facing forward again. I realized my stupid mistake. I didn't talk for a long time. Whenever I imagined coming here in my head, I had always guessed that I would keep quiet about the whole 'I know everything about the quest' thing. I screwed that one up. Gandalf slowed Opal to a canter. "Um, well, it's a really long story. Probably something for the trip back. Or after that," I said, dodging telling him now. _I'll regret this sooo bad _I thought.

We came upon a small village, before entering which Gandalf brought Opal to a walk. I looked around at the buildings I had never seen or heard of before. "Where are we?" I asked quietly. The village was very small, and very unpopulated. I only saw a couple of hobbits walk by as we rode down what would probably be Main Street. "A little village. The hobbits that like here do not really have a name for their settlement, or, camp, rather," he murmured back. He stopped Opal in front of what looked like a pub. Great. Gandalf handed Opal's reigns to a male hobbit, pressed a few coins into his hand, and entered the pub. I followed.

Classic hobbit tavern, except for almost abandoned. A female hobbit bartender stood cleaning out a mug. She nodded to us as we came in. I hardly had time to notice her before an outburst of laughter from the other side of the long room rang out, making me jump. I looked over to see none other than..only 9 of the dwarves from Thorin's company sitting around a long table, half of them slamming their fists onto the wood with laughter. Where were the others? Gandalf walked directly towards them. "Oh ok, so I have to hide from a perfectly safe hobbit, but not from a bunch of half-drunk dwarves?" I whispered accusingly to Gandalf. "Oh, stop worrying. You'll get used to them, just like they will get used to you. And they are not dangerous, at least not now," he said as he came to stand over the seated dwarves. I half hid behind him.

"Aye, it's Gandalf!" a voice that sounded like Dori called out. Gandalf chuckled. "Is our burglar ready for us?" Gloin, I assumed, asked. Gandalf nodded. "Indeed he is. But I have someone else to introduce to you first. Master dwarves, may I introduce you to Lady Megan," he said, and stepped to the side. My breath caught. Every single one of the dwarves there was staring at me, some questioning, some confused, and some amused. "Welcome, Lady Megan!" Bofur suddenly shouted, and the rest of the dwarves burst into cheers and laughter. I cracked a smile. "Come on, get the lass a drink!" Bofur commanded, and a mug was slid down the table. Even though I was over 21, I had never drunk anything before. _Aw, what the heck? This won't be the last!_ I thought, then picked up the mug and gulped down a swig of whatever was in it.

It burned like the fires of hell going down my throat, but for some reason I didn't mind. I felt encouraged by the celebratory calls of the dwarves around me, and managed to finish off the mug, slamming it down on the table. The group applauded like I had won an award, and I grinned shyly, wiping my mouth on my sleeve. I heard Gandalf chuckling and turned to see him happily watching the event. Then, by some cue apparently, they all stood and, still laughing, filed out the door while tossing a few coins each onto the bar. Gandalf and I followed at their rear.

Once outside, 9 ponies were brought out, one for each of the dwarves, and Opal. But there was another horse as well. The hobbit handed me his reigns. "His name's Apple," he said, before turning and walking back behind the tavern. I looked at the chestnut horse with a white patch on it's forehead, then at Gandalf, who had mounted Opal. "I assumed you know how to ride a horse, with your denial of my help earlier," he defended himself. I sighed, hopping up onto Apple and hanging my purse on a supply hook on the saddle. I looked up to see the dwarves and Gandalf already moving off.

I nudged Apple to a trot, then playfulness took over and I put him in a full gallop. I raced past the troop of dwarves, laughing triumphantly. I galloped all the way out of the village and a short ways down the path before finally stopping and turning Apple around. I could just see Gandalf trotting Opal towards me, with the ponies trying their best to keep up with all their luggage. I gave Apple a pat on the neck when they reached me. "We thought you had lost control of your horse, Lady Megan. You should not go leaving the group like that," he scolded once again. I sighed. "Yes, Mother. Sorry, Mother," I said sarcastically, earning a few quiet chuckles from the dwarves. I let Gandalf take the lead, and ended up between Bofur and Dori, with Ori on the other side of his brother.

"Lady Megan, we've been meanin' to ask you. Why are you wearing such strange clothing?" Dori asked politely shortly after leaving the village. I pretended to be defensive. "Strange? These are the clothes of my people. All women wear clothes like this. Is this not what dwarvish women uI'sually don?" I responded, acting as innocent as I could. Dori stiffened. "I did not mean any offense, I was simply asking. And no, our women usually do not wear like clothing," Dori answered. I looked over to him and smiled. "No offense taken. I was just acting dumb," I said. Dori grinned, sort of awkwardly it seemed, and looked towards the head of the line. "So, have you been a companion to Gandalf for long? I didn't see you when he met us earlier," Bofur said kindly. I always loved Bofur. He was so sweet and caring, and he had the best smile.

"Actually, I just met Gandalf earlier today. I've just kind of stuck with him. Not like he would let me leave anyway," I answered. Bofur nodded, falling silent. I only talked to Dori and Bofur a few more times, and eventually we were all quiet. After what seemed like ages of riding, I sped Apple to a trot, and came up to Gandalf. "How close are we to being back to Bag End?" I asked. The sun was basically below the horizon, and I was eager for the crazy dwarf dinner party. "Not far. We are just entering Hobbiton," Gandalf answered, and I looked ahead to see the familiar scene from the Fellowship of the Ring, where Gandalf and Frodo are riding in the wagon into Hobbiton. I grinned.

"Awesome. Hey, another question. Where are we going to put all the ponies and horses once we get there?" I questioned. "We shall pay a few farmers to rent out their pole barns for a night. Not a problem," he answered, stopping the procession. He looked back at the group of dwarves. "Find housing for your ponies for the night, and meet me at that green door at the top of that hill. Understood?" he called back. The dwarves called back in acknowledgement and dispersed in multiple directions. I followed Gandalf as he rode directly to Bilbo's door. He went around behind the house and I was surprised to see a pole barn, tall enough for horses, sitting merrily in a little paddock. Gandalf and I dismounted and led Opal and Apple into the pen. "I didn't know Bilbo had a paddock," I commented. "I spotted it earlier. I knew it would come in handy. Come," Gandalf said, and led us back to the front door.

** Yay! Next chapter will be the crazy party! I'm so excited to write it! By the way, I meant to say this in chapter one, but this fic is like, SUPER casual writing, so if I sound like a five year old compared to Seas, I'm sorry! This is supposed to sound informal :P. Please review, or follow/ favorite if you want! Speaking of which, thanks DeLacus and Oriana5 for those! I really appreciate it! Love you all! **


	3. Chapter 3

**So, This is the Hobbit—Er, Girl: Chapter 3**

**Hello, all! I'm kind of sad because school starts back up again on Tuesday :( . I don't wanna! Can't one class just be writing and you can get your whole grade by turning in stories, and they could be fanfictions?! -sigh- Dream world. This is the party chapter guys! Woot woot! Everything recognizable is Tolkien and Peter Jackson! Speaking of which, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREAT PROFESSOR! The true Beren, you will always be in our hearts! Okay, read on! **

Gandalf an I waited on the path in front of Bilbo's home for the dwarves to show up. Eventually we saw them start trailing up the hill towards us, and after a little bit more time they were all there. "Alright, let us go meet our burglar. Come," Gandalf said, then held the gate open for us all to go through. The dwarves started getting excited, or impatient, probably both, and rushed up to the door. They knocked multiple times then began pressing on it. "Stop pushin!" someone exclaimed. "Get yer elbow out of ma ribs!" came another shout. I smiled. "Let's do this," I whispered to myself before following the dwarves up to the door. I stood safely behind them with GandalfGandalf, watching the group push and shove on the door. Then it opened, and, just like in the movie, they all tumbled forward onto the ground in a big heap.

I snickered, then looked up from the wiggling pile of dwarves to see Bilbo Baggins standing there with a disgusted and shocked expression, which made me full out laugh. He looked up at the sound of my outburst and after giving me a once over, noticed Gandalf. His expression switched to pissed off. "Gandalf," he growled before the dwarves started shoving past him with various greetings, barging into his house like they owned the place. I continued laughing the entire time.

I grabbed a bottle of wine off the almost empty pantry shelf. I had been happily helping the dwarves unload Bilbo's food stock onto the dining room table for at least the past twenty minutes. I felt a weird mix of guilt, for stressing Bilbo out so much, and joy, just because, you know, dwarves. I turned around to take the wine to the table and ran right smack into a dwarf. "Oof! Sorry! Excuse m-," I cut off when I recognized the dwarf. My heart did a weird little flipping thing as I saw the shoulder-length, dark brown hair, chocolate eyes, and scruffy jaw of one of my favorite dwarves.

"Kili, at your service," he said, bowing. "I-um, M-Megan, at yours," I answered, nodding. He smiled up at me, and I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. We both jumped when we heard a voice. "Brother! Come help me with this barrel of ale!" none other than Fili called. Kili turned slightly away towards the door of the pantry, then gave an awkward wave goodbye. I waved back, grinning. Kili then turned completely and walked out of the pantry. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Holy. Crap. I seriously just spoke to a character that I have only dreamed of even _seeing _in real life. He was even hotter than in the movies! I sighed wistfully and carried the wine bottle off to the crowded dining room. I set it down next to a big platter of sausage. It smelled amazing, as did the entire room. I personally loved food. If something is edible, I'll eat it. Thank God I joined marching band, otherwise I would have become obese for sure. The endless food on the table was massively tempting, but I knew it would be a lot more fun to stuff my face surrounded by dwarves who also love stuffing their faces. I looked around and realized that all of the dwarves were coming in empty handed now, so I took a seat towards the end of the table.

I didn't realize where I had sat until Kili plopped down next to me. "Hello again, Lady Megan," he said merrily. I was about to say hi back to him when someone sat down on my other side. I turned to see Fili sitting next to me. "Sorry, I missed your name. I'm Fili," he said. "Hello, Fili. Megan," I said shyly. There's no way they couldn't hear my heartbeat. It sounded like a freakin train in my head. I was seriously SITTING IN BETWEEN the two hottest dwarves in the company. Fili reached for what looked like a roll, and I suddenly remembered the vast amounts of food in front of me. So, I let the face-stuffing begin.

I knew what to expect from the books and movies, but one doesn't know what eating with dwarves is like until you eat with dwarves. First of all, food was flying everywhere, because I'm pretty sure dwarves like to give each other food by chucking it at the recipient. Secondly, arms were literally EVERYWHERE. Dwarves don't seem to know how to ask for someone to pass something, they just lay across the table to reach it themselves. Except for maybe Balin. And Ori. They didn't do that. The reason for number two is number three, which is that they are ALL talking VERY LOUDLY at once, so unless you screamed, you wouldn't be able to tell someone to pass you something. Just, in general, it was a mad house. But a lovable and delicious one.

I had just shoved another fistful of grapes into my mouth when I looked over at Kili, who was staring at me. "What?" I asked with my mouth full. "Nothing. I just was not expecting you to eat so much so quickly. Are you sure you are not half dwarf?" he joked. I swallowed the grapes and grinned. "Nah, I just really like food," I answered. I looked away from Kili to see his brother walking on the table with a bunch of mugs in his hands. "Who wants an ale? There you go," he offered, and set one down in front of me with a wink.

Once we all had our drinks, we toasted, slamming our mugs against each others' in the middle of the table. Then Bofur yelled, "On the count of three! One! Two! UP!" Everyone started gulping down their mugs of ale, most of them dumping half of it down the front of their shirts. I drank my drink as well, and it burned just as much as earlier, but I was getting used to it. I finished my mug and slammed it back onto the table along with all of the other dwarves. Then came the burping.

The Ori brothers seemed to have it going on. First Nori, and then Ori with his massive explosion of a burp. Although not a noticeable scene in the movie, basically the entire table burped at various moments after the toast. Even I couldn't help but let out a pretty decent growl. Apparently that was fairly amusing to the dwarves, because half of them burst out laughing while the others applauded and cheered. You never know how much you love dwarves until you party with them. This was too awesome.

By this point, about two-thirds of the food was gone, and the dwarves began meandering around the house, gnawing on whatever they brought with them. I noticed Ori standing up with a plate. That only meant one thing: clean up time. I quickly finished off the chicken leg I was eating (it was _delicious_) and started stacking up empty plates. Fili and Kili had gotten up a while ago, and I looked over to see Fili taking Ori's plate and chucking it farther down the hallway, to Kili. I grinned.

"Fili!" I called, and he turned to me after tossing the previous plate to his brother. I smiled and threw a bowl at him, which he caught easily and chucked down to Kili, returning the smile. He looked at me again for more, so I began continuously passing dishes to him. That's when the beat started. "Uh- could you please not do that! You'll blunt them!" Bilbo pleaded, noticing the dwarves sliding their utensils against each other, including the knives. "Ooooh, d'ya hear that, lads? He said we'll blunt the knives!" Bofur teased. Then Kili started. "Blunt the knives, bend the forks." Fili caught another bowl from me and continued. "Smash the bottles and burn the corks." Then we all started joining in.

Dishes began flying everywhere, and I had to duck multiple times not to get hit in the head by someone throwing plates to Fili. Yet I sang every word of the song along with the dwarves, a smile hurting my cheeks the entire time. "Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl! Pound them with a thumping pole! When you're finished if they are whoooole... send them down the hall to roll!" we all sang. Or shouted. Some of both, really. Eventually I ran out of things to throw at Fili, so sat down and banged on the table as we finished the song. "THAT'S WHAT BILBO BAGGINS HATES!" we all shouted, guffawing. This was too much fun!

_Knock. Knock. Knock. _Oh. Whoops. Forgot about Thorin. My bad. I stood silently with the rest of the dwarves, Bilbo, and Gandalf, and followed behind them as they went to answer the door. I had kinda been refusing to think about the fact that Thorin may not let me come on the quest. I bit my lip thinking about it now. _What if he doesn't? Then what? _I thought. _That's not gonna happen. I'll come anyway _I decided. Ha. I'll just follow them on Apple. They don't move very fast anyway. Then I heard his voice. Thorin's voice. "Gandalf," he said. God, Richard Armitage's voice is like freakin velvet. Deep, chocolate covered velvet. I always used that line when a friend opens a door for me at their house.

"I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way..twice. I wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door," he continued, shedding his cloak as he walked in. Just like every meme and fan art ever, Thorin was the definition of majestic. In real life, it was crazy. I stood there behind the crowd of dwarves, my vision becoming a little hazy before I blinked and snapped back to the conversation. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce to you the leader of our company: Thorin Oakenshield," Gandalf was saying. Thorin crossed his arms, his back to us. "So, this is the Hobbit," he commented. Thorin began circling Bilbo. "Tell me, Master Baggins, sword or ax? What is your weapon of choice?" he asked.

Bilbo looked incredibly nervous. "Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know. But I fail to see..w-why that is relevant," he answered. Thorin snorted. "Thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar," he said, and the company laughed in response, including me. I could have sworn I saw Thorin's ears freaking _twitch_ at the sound of my laugh, he turned around so fast. His eyes pierced into mine, and I swallowed. "You, girl, who are you?" he growled. I bit my lip. _Okay, he's not intimidating. Calm down, answer him _I tried to reassure myself.

"My name is Megan, and I am determined to assist you on your quest to reclaim Erebor, the Lonely Mountain, from Smaug," I said, then clamped my mouth shut. _Oh, shhhhhine a light! I said too freaking much! Dangit! _I yelled at myself in my head. All of the dwarves turned around and looked at me. Clearly they had no idea how I knew so much about their quest. I ignored them and stared directly at Thorin. He narrowed his eyes. "I am afraid I cannot let you join us. What help would you be, a girl? You would only slow us down," he said, fake caring thick in his voice. I clenched my teeth. Like he knows jack SQUAT. I lowered my head and gave him a death stare. "You do not know who I am or what I can do. Do not judge me before I show you how quickly I can kill every single person here," I said, lifting my head. "I gave you the respect I thought you deserved, being a lost King who is trying to glorify his people once again, but I see that you don't appreciate it," I growled, then turned and stalked away to the back of Bilbo's house, finding a small sitting room and falling into a chair.

"God dangit. I'm such an idiot," I said quietly to myself. I wasn't lying. After I graduated from high school, I spent a while searching for a swords master, and found one only a few hours away. I did training for years, and I only quit a few months ago. The only reason I started was because of role-playing. I wanted to be able to roleplay and actually use a sword with my other nerdy friends who actually wanted to reenact Lord of the Rings and Hobbit battles. I honestly could kill them if I had a sword. I felt bad being such a jerk, though. I sighed. Great. My freaking stupid mouth will probably keep Thorin from even thinking about letting me come.

"Could you really kill us all?" a voice said, and I jumped, turning to see Bilbo stand awkwardly in the doorway. I sighed again, shrugging. "Yes, if I had a weapon, I guess. I know how," I answered quietly. Bilbo came and sat in a chair opposite of mine. I stared at the floor. "I think you scared Thorin, back there, I mean," Bilbo commented. "Yeah, out of even thinking of letting me come," I retorted. "At least you want to go. I do not have the skill, courage, or will to go on the quest. I am quite happy here," Bilbo said. I gave a rueful grin. "I can see why. The Shire is a beautiful place, and Bag End is a nice home. But I think you would like seeing the world. It's amazing," I said. Bilbo didn't answer, but instead he stood. "I think I will go back to them. I can tell Gandalf to persuade Thorin to let you come, i-if you want," Bilbo offered shyly. I looked up at him. "Thanks, I would like that," I said quietly. Bilbo nodded and stepped out of the room. I leaned forward and put my hands on my temples. God, this wasn't how this was supposed to start.

**Dun dun dunnnnn! Megan opened her big mouth and got herself screwed! :P I hope I've made it clear how massively obsessed she is with the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings...just like me! xDD At least enough so that she would pay for freaking sword fighting lessons. I wish I could do that, am I right? Ah..the true role playing...when you actually have a weapon and fight your friends. XP Don't worry, everything will go back to how it should be, just wait! Please review, fave, and follow! Thank you katnor for your follow! I love you all! **


	4. Chapter 4

**So, This is the Hobbit—Er, Girl: Chapter 4**

**I'm so sad..school starts in less than two days :( -cries-. But I'll still try my best to update every week :). And also I was listening to LOTR and Hobbit soundtracks and watching as many BOTFA clips as I could find while writing this and so I'm like, pretty emotional X,D. Everything recognizable is Tolkien's and Peter Jackson's. I hope you guys enjoy! **

I hadn't been sitting in the back room for more than half an hour before I decided that moping wouldn't do crap. So I begrudgingly got up and slowly walked out of the room and down the hall. I stopped at the dining room entrance. The dwarves turned to look at me, and I saw Thorin stiffen. I breathed out a long breath. Thorin turned around like he was in slow motion, and he gave me a once-over before narrowing his eyes at my face. After a long silence, he finally spoke. "Well. You finally found the courage to come out of hiding?" he growled. It sounded like a sneer.

I felt red-hot anger rise in my stomach. _No, not happeing again. Nope, Megan. Cool it_ I thought, persuading myself not to spout out something stupid. I got sassy instead. I put one hand on my hip and help the other one out at him with my pointer finger towards the sky. "Don't push it, Princey McBroodypants. I'll go right back to 'kill you' mode if I'm tempted to," I said in the most smart-alec voice I could make. "Now, have you changed your mind about your previous decision? ...Or have been persuaded to?" I asked. I saw Thorin's jaw clench and unclench.

"I have reconsidered and decided against my better judgement to let you come. But if you make ONE misstep, I will not hesistate to send you on your way. Understood, girl?" he answered, still sounding ticked. I crossed my arms, trying to look uncaring, even though inside I was having a party. "Fine. Glad you finally saw some sense," I muttered in a monotone. Thorin heaved a sigh, looking between Bilbo, who was leaning awkwardly against the opposite side of the dining room entrance, and me. "Give them the contract," he said. Balin stood, reaching to give the contract to me. I shook my head. "Already know what it says, but thanks. Though...I think you should change fourteenth's share to fifteenth's," I said, walking to stand against the wall across from the dining room as Balin reached towards Bilbo instead.

As the hobbit read the contract, Thorin stood and whispered with Gandalf for a moment. I knew what he normally says, but he whispered for longer than he does in the movie. _Is he talking about me? I bet he is _I thought. "Lllacerations? Everceration? ..Incineration?!" Bilbo exclaimed. I looked up, trying to hide a smile. I always said this scene word for word. "Oh, aye, he'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye," Bofur explained eagerly. I had to bite my tongue not to laugh at his accent, and then Bilbo's reaction. "Y' alright laddie?" Balin asked gently. "Huh? Yeah..I'll be...feel a bit faint," Bilbo whimpered out. Bofur stood up. "Think furnace...with wings!"

"I-I-I need air"

I dropped my chin to my chest to his my mouth, then mouthed the words with Bofur.

"Flash of light, searing pain, then _poof_! You're nothin' more than a pile of ash!"

I looked up to watch Bilbo attempt to not pass out. "Nope." _Thump._ "Oh, very helpful, Bofur," Gandalf scolded, standing to get Bilbo off the ground. Gandalf likes scolding. I never noticed that about him before. I had nothing else to do, so I walked off and sat down on the step that led up into the kitchen, the same one that Bilbo led Gandalf down into the main hallway before the plate throwing started. I put my elbows on my knees, bitterly replaying the bad first two encounters with Thorin. I was about to get my phone out when two pairs of boots appeared in front of me. I looked up to see Fili and Kili standing there.

"What?" I muttered sourly. "Are you two gonna yell at me for being a jerk to your uncle?" They looked surprised at my angry tone. "..No, though we did want to talk to you about it. If you are willing, that is," Fili answered. I sighed. Not like I could turn away a conversation with the two adorable brothers. "Sure. Sorry for my crappy mood, I'm a little bitter. Not towards you, but still," I apologized. I scooted over so Kili could sit next to me on the step. Our legs were almost brushing, which made my heart do the same flipping thing as before. Fili sat on the floor to my other side, against the wall. "That was incredibly brave of you. Both times. We have never seen anyone who knows who Uncle is speak to him like that," Kili commented quietly. I shurgged. "Thanks, I guess. I honestly wasn't trying to be brave, just expressing my opinion," I answered. "How did you know about him anyway? About the quest as well, for that matter?" Fili questioned. I sighed and groaned internally, running my hands over my head. I shut my eyes.

"It's a long and inimportant story. I just do. I also know who you two are, and basically everything about everyone in the company, and Gandalf, and Bilbo. Don't worry about it," I answered, my eyes still shut. Neither of the brothers spoke. _Shoot. I screwed up again. God, being here is way more difficult than I thought it would be_ I thought to myself. "Sorry if I'm freaking you out," I murmured. I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at Kili. He was grinning. "What?" I asked. _What the heck is he so giddy about?!_ I heard a chuckle and turned the other way to see Fili snickering. "Okay, not funny anymore. What the heck you two," I growled. I didn't like being laughed out. I had never been a laughing stock, and I wasn't starting now.

"You think," Kili said, outright laughing now, "that you scared us?" I sat up and slapped my hands onto my knees. "Really?! That's it?!" I concluded. The two morons nodded. "Ugh. I don't know how I'm going to survive on a quest with you two dopes," I muttered, to which they burst out laughing. This was unbelievable. Is every word I say just a new joke?! Eventually they stopped cackling. "You done now?" I growled. "Yes," they answered. I stood up. "Come on," I said, then walked off to the room where the dwarves start singing eventually.

It was only a little bit later when all of the dwarves were gathered in the room. I was almost choking on smoke, but luckily I moved to the back corner of the room, far away from Thorin and Gandalf..and the other dwarves who liked to hang around with pipes. I didn't start singing immediately, only once a majority of the dwarves had begun singing too. I barely sang anyway, because I knew that my voice would be way too obvious compared to their base tones. I did know all the words, though. I had learned to play the song on my trumpet, just for kicks.

I actually got chills during the song. Watching the movie is like nothing compared to actually sitting there. It was kind of creepy, but awesome at the same time.

After the song the dwarves started to disperse. I decided to go back to my little back room to sleep. There was a couch in there. But first I looked for the contract, which I found on the dining room table. I noticed that Balin had added an extra line labelled "Feminine Medical Assistance". I snorted, but signed it anyway. Then I walked to the back room, moving my purse to next to the couch and laying down. I pulled out my ponytail and brushed through it with my fingers before putting my head down on the arm of the couch.

Then I heard footsteps. My eyes flashed open to see Bilbo standing in the doorway again. "Um, I just wanted to see if you would like to sleep in an actual bed? In the guest room?" he offered. I sat up, running a hand through my hair. "I kind of guessed that Thorin would take it," I answered. "Oh, well, he did. But I have two." I snatched up my purse and stood up. "Thanks a bunch," I said happily. Beds were always better than couches, even though I was used to sleeping on couches. He led me to a cute little guest room on the left side of the house. It had a window. "I do hope you will find it comfortable..," Bilbo said kindly. I nodded, plopping down on the bed. "Well, ...goodnight," he dismissed, and left, closing the door behind him. He was such a great host.

I pulled my sweatshirt over my head, now that I had multiple layers of blankets. I also took off my tee-shirt, but I kept my camisole on. I wasn't one of those people who slept in their underwear. And I wouldn't take that risk anyway with a housefull of dwarves. I pulled off my boots and set them at the end of the bed, along with my socks. I slid my purse under the bedside table, then burrowed under the covers. God, whatever hobbits made bedsheets and comforters out of, it was heaven. I fell asleep almost instantly.

It felt like only minutes before there was a knock on my door. I opened my eyes a little, then they shot open at the unfamiliar surroundings. _Oh..right. Right! I knew it wasn't a freakin dream! _I thought. "Lady Megan, are you awake?" a voice called. It was Kili. Why was it always Kili? "No. Do I have to get up?" I groaned. I was not a morning person. "May I come in?" Kili asked. Whatever. "Sure...?" I answered. I didn't care. He opened the door and immediately froze, looking at the floor. His face slightly blushed. "I was expecting you to be apprpriate when I entered," he mumbled. I looked down. I was still wearing my cami and jeans. "I am appropriate. Oh..," I corrected as I remembered that we weren't in the 21st century. I think I'm stupid this morning. "Don't worry. I don't care. This isn't the worst from where I come from. Stop being awkward," I said as I reached onto the floor and grabbed my tee-shirt off the ground.

I pulled it over my head to make him feel better. "Are you decent?" he asked worriedly. I sighed. "Yes, I'm decent. I've _been _decent," I answered, slightly annoyed. _This is gonna cause problems later _I thought. I would like to wear the Nike shorts I had in my purse in Shire weather. Obviously _that _won't be happening. Kili looked up and instantly relaxed. "To answer your previous question, yes, you have to wake up. We are leaving in a half of an hour," he said. "Fine, I'll be ready," I said. Kili nodded and disappeared from the doorway. I stuffed my sweatshirt into my purse, then grabbed my socks and boots. I slid them on and stood up with my purse, then left the room to head to the bathroom. Wherever it was. I creeped around the house for a few minutes before I found it.

It was nice for what I expected. But honestly the only things I cared about right now was a toilet and a mirror. A basin was there too, which was nice. When I went to wash my hands I almost had a heart attack from my hair. It looked like I had taken Radagast's hair and replaced mine with it. Minus the birds. I pulled out a brush and managed to tame the beast, but I didn't have my straightening iron, sadly. Not like there was power here. _Guess I'll live with my curly-wavy hair _I thought, putting the brush back in my purse. Maybe I'll braid it. Or not.

I had started growing out my hair as long as I could get it in seventh grade, and now it was down to the small of my back. I was massively proud of my accomplishment, probably because it made me feel like an Elf. Except it wasn't red or blond, it was just a chocolate brown. Which is fine; I don't think I would look good with any other color.

I fixed the collar of my purple shirt, my favorite color, and left the bathroom with a 'screw it' for my makeup. Walking out into the main hall, only a few dwarves were left in the house. I said good morning to Bofur, Ori, and Balin before heading outside. I found the rest of the dwarves packing up a bunch of supplies onto their shaggy little ponies. Right about now I wished for flipflops and Nike shorts instead of riding boots and jeans. I walked around to the back of Bag End and found Apple and Opal still tied in the pole barn. I untied Apple and led him back around to the front of the hill, where I found Bofur holding an extra bedroll and backpack. He came up to me and smiled.

"These are for you. I guessed you would like more than just that little bag for the journey," he said kindly. "Aw, thank you Bofur!" I said. He was so freakin adorable. "Oh! Almost forgot. Here," he added, taking off the cloak he had on and handing it to me. "This is my old one. I brought it with me in case I lost my new one. I think it will do for you." I took the cloak with a smile. "Thank you so much! That's so sweet of you," I almost squealed. He smiled back at me, then turned and led us to the path in front of Bag End.

He showed me how to strap the bedroll onto Apple, and then the backpack since I didn't want to have it on my back the whole time. I figured out how to put my purse on Apple as well, then packed the cloak into the backpack. By that time everything was packed, and Gandalf was on Opal a way down the path, waiting for everyone to mount their ponies. I hopped up onto Apple and trotted down to Gandalf, ending up behind a few of the dwarves already waiting. I was almost bouncing in my saddle out of excitement. I was about to leave the Shire and go out to the rest of Middle Earth! I honestly felt like screaming "I'm going on an adventure!" in Bilbo's voice!

** Yay! It's adventure time! Not as a reference to Adventure Time the show, I was just saying that. Have you all noticed the extra talking time with the Durin brothers? -wiggly eyebrows- xDD I felt like it was sort of necessary to address the clothing differences because, lets be honest, if any of us were thrown into Middle- Earth wearing what we had on RIGHT NOW, there would be cultural problems. I'm so excited! Thanks LazySmurf247, xoulblade, nachobeats823, and the much loved Adaneth Dinen for your follows, and LazySmurf247 for your favorite! I love the support you guys, almost as much as I love you all! **


	5. Chapter 5

**So This Is The Hobbit—Er, Girl: Chapter 5**

** Hello again, boos. I KNOW. I KNOW. I'M SORRY. I don't really have a good excuse... besides school. We literally had a WEEK off of school about two weeks ago, and I didn't do ANYTHING. That's just flat out laziness, and I'm so so so sorry for that. But we got out yesterday and today again, and I was like, "Okay, even though my teachers were jerks and gave us snow day homework, I'm doing this." So I got off my lazy butt and wrote this chapter. Everything recognizable is Peter Jackson and Tolkien, and "Ready To Go" is all Panic! At The Disco. I hope you enjoy! (There's a twist at the end! :P) **

This was about as boring as SKYDIVING. I was so freaking psyched, I'm positive Apple would have bitten me to get me to stop riding like a total idiot. Maybe I was high off Middle Earth. That happened a lot...whenever I would re-watch trailers or soundtracks or movies or reread the books...or just Google quotes, I would get weird happy, excited feelings in my chest and stomach. I had never actually been high, but I always guessed that this was what it felt like.

Back to the point; I was making a fool of myself. About half of the dwarves found it funny, while the other half were attempting to ignore it. Kili, Fili, Ori, and Nori all were on the funny side, with Bofur, Balin, and Gandalf going along. Of course, Mr. Majestic Pony up at the head of the line kept excessively sighing at my obnoxious comments. He led the ignoring side. I think Thorin has a grudge problem. Don't get me wrong, I adore his awesomely majestic hair and shining blue eyes, but he's actually more broody than I thought he would be.

We had been out of the "Shire" part of the Shire for a while. By "Shire" I mean hobbit holes all over the place. We were riding through the middle of a sort of crappy forest. It was trees and grass.

Kili and Fili had faithfully stuck to either side of me as we rode. Of course, I couldn't ask for anything better, but I don't think Thorin liked it. We kept up reasonable conversation though. It eventually strayed to Bilbo.

"So, Megan," Kili said I turned to look down to him on his pony. "Do you believe Bilbo will join us?" he asked. Ah, so this is where they started betting. I grinned, extremely confident in my bet. "Yep. No doubt. He'll be here," I answered. "Impossible. There is no way he will," Fili countered. I shrugged, still smug. "Willing to place bets?" Kili questioned, waggling his eyebrows. My fan art side lost a part of its life. "Of course. I bet ten coins he _won't _join us," Fili said confidently. I smiled. "Ha. Enjoy giving me money. I bet ten coins he _will_," I announced.

Actually, I couldn't lose this bet; I didn't even know what a Middle-Earth coin looked like. But I have the movies memorized to every breath, and there's no way Bilbo isn't gonna come running up screaming "wait."

Bofur rode up. "What are we bettin' on here, lads and lass?" he asked, grinning deviously. "Megan believes Bilbo will come and join the company eventually, while Fili does not," Kil explained happily. "Oh, I see. And what do you think, lad?" he asked Kili. Kili thought for a moment. "I honestly think Megan is being a lunatic," he said. I gasped dramatically. Bofur laughed. "Well, I believe in the little Halfling. Ten coins he will," Bofur bet. Kili nodded. "Agreed," he said confidently. Apparently the heirs of Durin are more idiotic than I thought.

Eventually, Bofur spread the news of the exchanging of money, and everyone had placed bets. Most, just like Gandalf will once Bilbo shows up say, bet that he won't.

We eventually rode into the forested area where I knew Bilbo appeared, and I continuously kept looking over my shoulder to see if he was there yet. "Wait! WAIT!" I finally heard, and I happily pulled Apple to a stop and slightly turned her around to see a very tired Bilbo come racing up to us.

"I signed it," he panted, handing the contract to Balin. His eyes trailed up and down our line of ponies and I smiled at him when his eyes found me. "Everything appears to be in order," Balin said happily after a moment,"Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield." The dwarves chuckle in acceptance.

Aaaand Mr. Broodypants ruins it. "Give him a pony," he grumbles from the front of the line behind Gandalf before turning his pony back around. I snickered as Bilbo awkwardly protested.

"No, no, no, no. T-that won't be necessary. I can- I'm sure I can..keep up on foot. I-I've done my far share of, uh, walking holidays. I, uh, I even went as far as Frogmorton once—AHH!" he exclaimed as Fili and Kili hoisted him onto his pony, Myrtle.

I watched him with a stupid grin plastered onto my face. He was so freaking awkward, it was adorable. I nudged Apple to a trot and caught up with him, and he gave me a nervous smile.

"Hullo again, Megan," he greeted. I smiled. "Hey, look," I said, nodding to my hands holding Apple's reigns, "hold them like this." Bilbo's eyes drifted from my hands to his, and he quickly adjusted his grasp. I grinned and slowed, allowing him to move ahead again.

We all rode quietly for a moment before Oin called, "Come on, Nori. Pay up, lad." Nori chucked a small bag of coins to Oin's waiting hand. Kili and Fili laughed, and I _ahem_ed loudly.

The brothers looked over their shoulders at me, and I gave them a smug smile. "I don't know what you two are laughing about. Bofur and I are each owed ten coins," I reminded them. Bofur slowed his pony to ride next to me. "Aye. Come on, Kili," he chided.

I now rode happily, both I and Bofur, farther up the line, ten coins richer. I noticed Bilbo talking with Gandalf, then Gandalf's hand came up to snatch the little bag that was tossed to him.

And then the sneeze. "Oh, wait, wait. Stop! STOP! We have to turn around," Bilbo demanded as we all brought our ponies to a halt and stared at him. "What on earth is the matter?" Gandalf asked. I forgot my handkerchief," Bilbo complained.

"Here," Bofur piped up, ripping off a part of the bottom of his shirt and tossing it to Bilbo, "use this." The dwarves laughed at Bilbo's grossed-out expression. "Move on," Thorin called, setting his pony walking again.

"You will have to manage without pocket-handkerchiefs, and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins, before we reach our journey's end," Gandalf said after a while of silent riding. "You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire. But home is now behind you; the world is ahead."

_Dun dun dunnnn. Dun dun du-du-dun dun dunnnn, _I thought, the dramatic orchestral version of Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold that played during that voice-over.

We continued riding for many hours, and eventually I felt my thighs getting tired of holding onto Apple's saddle and my butt starting to hurt. I began to shift around in my saddle, probably pissing of Apple quite a bit, but I was having comfort problems.

"Megan, what in Durin's name are you doing?" Kili's voice eventually sounded behind me.

I looked over my shoulder at him as he nudged his pony up to Apple. "Oh, hush. My butt hurts," I answered grumpily. Kili gave me a look. "Don't look at me like that, I haven't ridden a horse for this long in years," I defended myself. Kili grinned.

"In that case, you may want to become accustomed to it quickly. This is only the first day of many long days of riding," he said. I sighed. _I know...,_ I thought to myself. This wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Even though the scenery was freaking fantastic, I couldn't stare around me for forever.

"You look bored. How about you tell me about where you come from? Clearly it is...unique," Kili suggested, coughing slightly at the playful glare I sent his way. My mind was actually racing.

_ Shoot...uh...21__st__ century United States of America? How the heck do I explain that to him? _I asked myself. I swallowed.

"Well...I'm from a place called America...and my town is called...Tennessee," I said slowly. Kili gave me an odd look. "I have never heard of those lands before. Where are they?" he asked.

_Dammit. _"Uhh..very, very, far away. It takes years to travel even halfway there. It's not very large...you wouldn't be interested in trying to find it," I quickly answered. _Smooth, Megan. You're sooo subtle. _

"Is that why your clothing and speech are so...different?" Kili questioned. I nodded. "Believe me, if you thought that what I was wearing this morning was "inappropriate," you don't even know," I said. Kili's face reddened slightly and he averted his eyes to the line in front of us.

"My apologies, once again, for that," he murmured.

Jeez, could he be any more adorable?! "Don't worry about it," I said, waving my hand dismissively.

"Hey, question," I said, looking over at Kili, "how old are you?" Kili gave a single laugh. "Twenty-seven. And you?" he retorted. I pretended to be offended. "Don't you know never to ask a lady her age?" I scolded, gaining a surprised look from Kili.

"Oh..I-I..I did not know that, I'm sorry," he stammered. I laughed. _Megan: 1, Kili: 0. _"I'm just kidding. I'm 24," I said. Kili looked shocked.

"You do not look that old," he said. I snorted. "See, if I had actually been offended by your previous question, that's how you would fix it," I snickered.

Eventually Kili moved ahead of me to ride next to Fili, and I became bored again. _Phone time. _

I leaned down and opened my purse, pulling out my phone and ear buds. I plugged them in and unlocked my phone, pushing the little pieces of plastic into my ears. I scrolled through my music until I found "Ready To Go" by Panic! At The Disco. It was probably a bad idea to play such a song on a silent pony-riding trek, where anyone would notice me nodding my head and slightly swaying back and forth to the rock-ish music.

However, riding at the back of the line had its advantages. No one noticed my jam session, so I saved myself embarrassment and a long explanation of what the little box is that somehow had musical instruments shoved inside of it (also known as a cellphone).

We had been riding for I don't even know how many hours, but my phone showed it was 5 pm, which the sun in Middle-Earth agreed with. I couldn't feel my butt, and my legs were hurting like crap (I probably wouldn't be able to walk), _and _I'm pretty sure Apple was done hauling me around.

That's when it happened.

Abdominal cramps.

_You. Are. SHITTING. Me. _

**LOL. Okay, I know I'm gonna get crap for putting periods in here, but lets be honest everyone, just because Megan's in Middle-Earth doesn't mean her uterus vanishes. Periods aren't convenient, they aren't fun, and they bring out the worst in the person they're happening to (well... at least for me, I turn into a ball of hatred and "Don't freaking talk to me"). NO LESS it's gotta suck in Middle-Earth because, duh, no "feminine products." Also I'm going to enjoy seeing Megan be a grumpy cloud of hatred to everyone. XDD. Thank you all for your endless patience, you're amazing for that! I love you! **


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